Small Talk helps us connect with people

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/12/131218170737.htm

Small Talk Skills Improve With Practice

Dec. 18, 2013 — Small talk is far from "small" or trivial, says psychology professor and shyness expert Bernardo J. Carducci. It is the salve of a disconnected society -- the "cornerstone of civility."

"Small talk is really, really important. It helps us connect with people, and not just at holiday gatherings," said Carducci, director of the Shyness Research Institute at Indiana University Southeast. "If you make connections with people, it makes it much more difficult for you to treat them in an uncivil way. If you think about being kind to and connecting with people, people you engage in conversation, you're going to open a door for them, you'll let them step in front of you in line. You'll engage in more acts of kindness and fewer acts of rudeness."

Small talk pays it forward. When you're nicer to other people, Carducci says, "They're going to be nicer to you and nicer to others."

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Like many skills, small talk benefits from practice. Carducci offers these tips for fine-tuning small talk skills.

*Start small. ...

*Aim for nice, not brilliant. ...

*Have something to say. ...

*Rehearse your introduction. ...

*You're late? Big mistake. ....

*Extend the conversation. ...

*Now, stop talking. ...

*Help yourself and others with "quick talk." ...

Small talk becomes easier with practice -- and uneasy conversationalists should start a week in advance of a party or activity. This gives them time for "social reconnaissance" and to practice jokes and discussions with family and friends. But they shouldn't wait for a party to practice.

"It's like exercise," Carducci said. "If you can build it into your daily routine, you're healthier. The more you do it, the easier it becomes."