Monday, November 07, 2016

University of Toronto study reveals secret to a happy sex life

https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2016-11/uot-uot110716.php

Public Release: 7-Nov-2016
University of Toronto study reveals secret to a happy sex life
University of Toronto

The secret to a happy sex life in long-term relationships is the belief that it takes hard work and effort, instead of expecting sexual satisfaction to simply happen if you are true soulmates, says a study led by a University of Toronto (U of T) social psychology researcher.

These "sexpectations" -- the need to work on sexual growth or rely on sexual destiny -- are so powerful they can either sustain otherwise healthy relationships or undermine them, says Jessica Maxwell, a PhD candidate in the Department of Psychology in the Faculty of Arts & Science at U of T.

"People who believe in sexual destiny are using their sex life as a barometer for how well their relationship is doing, and they believe problems in the bedroom equal problems in the relationship as a whole," says Maxwell.

"Whereas people who believe in sexual growth not only believe they can work on their sexual problems, but they are not letting it affect their relationship satisfaction."

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Maxwell says there is a honeymoon phase lasting about two to three years where sexual satisfaction is high among both sexual growth and sexual destiny believers.

But the benefit of believing in sexual growth becomes apparent after this initial phase, as sexual desire begins to ebb and flow.

"We know that disagreements in the sexual domain are somewhat inevitable over time," says Maxwell. "Your sex life is like a garden, and it needs to be watered and nurtured to maintain it."

While her research did not focus on the influence of media on sex beliefs, it is clear pop culture has conditioned us to accept and understand that other aspects of relationships, such as the division of household chores, takes work and effort, Maxwell notes.

Hollywood's glamorous portrayal of sex and romance in shows like The Bachelor are less grounded in reality, however, which may fuel a "soulmate" philosophy that is not as adaptable to conflicts and problems that arise over time.

Maxwell says her research provided at least one example of the media's impact on the sexual domain. She was able to influence people's beliefs by "priming" them with phoney magazine articles that either emphasized sexual destiny philosophies, or advocated the idea that sex takes work.

Like everything else concerning human relationships, however, the study suggests the distinctions between the two schools of belief are more shades of grey than black and white.

For example, the research demonstrated there are often aspects of both sexual growth and sexual destiny beliefs in the same individual.

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The study showed that, while sexual-growth beliefs can buffer the impact of problems in the bedroom, they don't help as much if the problems become too substantial.

There is also some evidence that sexual-destiny believers may be open to making changes in their sex life for the sake of their partners, but only if they are convinced they are their true soulmate.

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