'Controlling' partners suffer more conflict with sexual desire

http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2011-06/f-sf-p060111.php

Public release date: 1-Jun-2011
Contact: SINC
FECYT - Spanish Foundation for Science and Technology
'Controlling' partners suffer more conflict with sexual desire

People who feel secure in in their relationship with their partner have a more satisfactory sex life and are more able to be sensitive in the affection they give. However, people who are insecure, who tend towards anxiety or avoidance and are compulsive or controlling in their affection experience more conflict in their sexual desire and are less happy in their relationships, according to a study by the University of the Basque Country.

"Our results show that insecure people (anxious-ambivalent) tend to be compulsive in their care for their partners, while people prone to avoidance tend to be controlling and to exhibit greater conflict in their sexual desire", Javier Gómez Zapiain, a professor of the psychology of sexuality at the University of the Basque Country and lead author of the study, tells SINC.

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The combination of different styles of affection in a couple can explain the degree of conflict within it. "Each partner must have the ability to support the other when they are feeling down and need emotional support. Similarly, they must be able to place themselves in what we call a 'position of dependency', in other words they must be able to recognise their own need for support and to express this in times of anxiety", the expert explains.

An individual who is psychologically healthy can change flexibly from one position to another. The experts hypothesise that people who display security in their affection are able to do this, but that insecure types (anxious-ambivalent or avoidant) are clearly incapable.

"It is very interesting, from the perspective of a couple, to see how styles of affection combine within the relationship. The most explosive combination occurs when one of the partners in the couple is anxious and the other avoidant. This combination has more likelihood of ending up with the couple seeking help, or even breaking up", says Gómez Zapiain.

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