Want Lasting Love? It’s Not More Commitment, but Equal Commitment That Matters

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/05/110518131435.htm

ScienceDaily (May 18, 2011) — It stands to reason that a well-loved child can become a loving adult. But what prepares us to make a strong commitment and work out differences with an intimate partner? And what happens when one person is more committed than the other?

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Their findings, which will be published in the June issue of Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, suggest that supportive, involved mothering in toddlerhood and an ability to work through conflict in adolescence are good predictors of becoming the "strong link" -- the person with the bigger stake -- in adult relationships. If the opposite happened in earlier life, chances are the person will be the "weak link" -- the one with one foot out the door.

Equally important, though, is what these predictors don't account for: It's good to be prepared for love. But it takes two to tango.

Interestingly, it's not the partners' individual commitments that make the most difference in the grace and longevity of the dance. It's how well their levels of commitment match up. Two strong links will be benevolent and tolerant when the going gets rough. Two weak links may be lax about working things out, but their expectations are equally low -- so there's less friction.

But when a weak link and a strong link pair up, the one with less investment has more influence -- and stability is the loser

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