Not everyone wants cheering up, new study suggests

No surprise. If a person is feeling bad about their situation, telling them that everything is fine invalidates their feelings and tells them that their view of reality is wrong. This does not improve their self-esteem. And it makes you look out of touch with reality to them, so why should they accept that?

https://uwaterloo.ca/news/news/not-everyone-wants-cheering-new-study-suggests

June 24, 2014

You may want to rethink cheering up your friends who have low self-esteem because chances are they don't want to hear it.

People with low self-esteem have overly negative views of themselves, and often interpret critical feedback, romantic rejections, or unsuccessful job applications as evidence of their general unworthiness. A new study from researchers at the University of Waterloo and Wilfrid Laurier University found that they likely don't want you to try to boost their spirits.

"People with low self-esteem want their loved ones to see them as they see themselves. As such, they are often resistant to their friends’ reminders of how positively they see them and reject what we call positive reframing–expressions of optimism and encouragement for bettering their situation," said Professor Denise Marigold, from Renison University College at Waterloo, and lead author of the study.

These individuals usually prefer negative validation, which conveys that the feelings, actions or responses of the recipient are normal, reasonable, and appropriate to the situation. So a friend could express understanding about the predicament or for the difficulty of a situation, and suggest that expressing negative emotions is appropriate and understandable.

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