Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Dave Barry running for president, Q&A

Q: Dave, I'm sick and tired of everybody trying to appeal to Joe Six-Pack.

Submitted by Joe Kegger from Milwaukee, WI
A: I am also appealing to Joe Syringe.

Answered 10/03/08 09:17:33 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, whenever I see my checking account balance, I have a financial panic. Can the government help me?

Submitted by Bert Baccarat from Atlantic City, NJ
A: Only if you have squandered your money in an unbelievably stupid manner.

Answered 09/29/08 08:43:18 by Dave Barry
Q: I feel must point out (in response to your ethanol-energy discussion) that Americans have been turning corn, in fact all food, into gas for a long, LONG time...

Submitted by Beans Beans The Magi from SF, CA
A: True. And these same Americans always sit next to me on airplanes.

Answered 09/24/08 08:19:04 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, the government wants to dump toxic bank assets in a landfill near my home. Is there anything I can do to stop it?

Submitted by Alan Nimby from Newark, NJ
A: Try not to breathe.

Answered 09/24/08 08:17:18 by Dave Barry
Q: I'm impressed that the government spent 700 BILLION DOLLARS without an act of Congress. Who signs that check?

Submitted by Baffled Forger from SF, CA
A: The Publishers Clearing House.

Answered 09/22/08 09:12:02 by Dave Barry
Q: Today, McCain economic adviser Carly Fiorina bluntly stated that neither John McCain nor Sarah Palin were capable of running a major corporation (she said the same of Barack Obama and Joseph Biden). Clearly, the economic situation needs someone in charge equipped to deal with chaos. Has driving in Miami made you the most qualified candidate?

Submitted by Krinkle Bearcat from Tacoma, WA
A: I would say that, based on the events of the past few days, nobody running our major corporations is capable of running a major corporation.

Answered 09/18/08 09:17:24 by Dave Barry
Q: Can't we all just get along?

Submitted by Phillybill from The Nation's Heartland
A: No.

Answered 09/05/08 10:08:14 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, what will you do to stop illegal Asian pollution from entering the US?

Submitted by Lulu Dobbs-Tancredo from San Diego, CA
A: It is doing the work that American pollution is unwilling to do.

Answered 08/31/08 11:41:33 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, when you become president, how will you respond to invasions of Georgia by Russia?

Submitted by Keith E. Cooper from Tampa, FL
A: We will form a perimeter around Atlanta. Then we will have lunch.

Answered 08/24/08 08:03:48 by Dave Barry
Q: Dave, when you are president, what will happen to people who like to mow their lawns at 7 a.m.?

Submitted by Billy Bucyrus Erie from Atlanta, GA
A: Tasering, followed by execution, followed by a sternly worded warning.

Answered 08/02/08 10:19:00 by Dave Barry
Q: Do you believe in the Invisible Hand of the free market?

Submitted by Milt Friedman from Voodoo, LA
A: Yes. In fact, I have blamed it for several incidents in crowded elevators.

Answered 07/30/08 09:54:05 by Dave Barry
Q: One candidate is always talking about the serge in Iraq and how good it is. I don't think that serge--or even worsted wool--is a good fabric choice for that kind of hot weather. (I'd suggest seersucker or light cotton myself.) Do you have any position on what people in particular countries should wear?

Submitted by Donna Karan from Clothes Horse, NY
A: European men need to stop wearing preschool-size bathing suits.

Answered 07/29/08 09:24:12 by Dave Barry

No comments:

Post a Comment