Commit to Dialogue

I suggest reading the whole article.

I am certainly not perfect, but I am trying to improve.

http://www.idiotfreezone.com/Society/commit-to-dialogue.html

Deborah Baron

"I will not hear it." Maya Angelou. What she is referring to is 'hate'. She refused to listen to it. I have thought about her words and they roll around in my head since I first heard her say it in the interview video from Academy of Achievement several years ago; the full quote is below. I am now in my 50's and I will be the first one to tell you I haven't always been kind or thoughtful. I have spread around some poison in my life and I deeply regret it. Regret it, but am not letting it hold me back from being better in the future. It would be nice if we could all do that, strive to be better in the future. Melvin Udall, played by Jack Nicholson, says to Helen Hunt, "You make me want to be a better man" in the movie "As Good as it Gets". Maybe we can all strive to be better, even if it is a small bit, even if it takes us the rest of our lives. We can stay stuck in our misery or we can have our tiny space a better place than it was yesterday because of our own actions.

A big place we can start is in the media. Social media. Television. Movies. Books. We make choices every single day on what we say, watch and read. Those choices are tracked to the minutest detail and billionaires make decisions, and money, off of those choices. Our choices cause business decision makers and politicians to make decisions of their own. We are not as powerless as we think. People are listening to us. Our actions are being noticed. The question is, "Are saying and doing things we should be proud of?"

•••••

So let's stop spreading meanness and hate. Let's make the charts and graphs go downward by our lack of attention to invectives and affronts to the decent character that is in each of us. In philosophy class in college a professor asked us this old question, "Does art reflect life or does life reflect art?" Our class at the time answered him collectively, "Both." The media is a form of art and it can be whatever we make of it. Let's turn off the negative faucet. Let's tune out the 'shock jockeys'. This does not mean we have to live in a bubble, fantasy world. The world is a rough place. No doubt. There are wars and disasters and struggles and poverty. I am not suggesting we pretend they don't exist. What I am suggesting is that we not add to the pessimism and gloom. You don't have to respond to 'what that jerk on FaceBook' said. There is no law requiring you to do so, in fact, if you don't respond they will probably stop sooner. You can walk away from a discussion at work when one employee is criticizing another employee. It is not required that you contribute to the demise of another employee. In fact, your boss will probably appreciate that you don't. You don't have to throw back an insult at a political town hall meeting. There is nothing that demands that every slur must be answered. In fact, many psychologists suggest ignoring bad behavior to be an effective way to stop an unwanted behavior. From Wikipedia: "Tactical ignoring, also known as planned ignoring, is a behavioral management strategy used in response to challenging behavior that seeks to receive attention or to gain a reaction from others. It is a commonly used strategy when the person displaying the attention seeking behavior would feel rewarded even by a negative response. An example of this is a cough or noise that is excessively loud in order to gain sympathy from work colleagues, loved ones and friends, which is still seen as desirable attention by the person."

•••••

Turning someone who disagrees with you into an enemy is a bad thing. Calling someone a derogatory name because they don't share your values does not help you or your cause. You shut them down and you may enjoy that silence for a little while because you think you 'won'. Their silence does not mean you won, it simply means they aren't talking to you anymore. Is that what you want? Is that going to solve the problem?

•••••

In memory of Maya Angelou: "I will not sit in a group of black friends and hear racial pejoratives against whites. I will not hear "honky." I will not hear "Jap." I will not hear "kike." I will not hear "greaser." I will not hear "dago." I will not hear it. As soon as I hear it, I say, "Excuse me, I have to leave. Sorry." Or if it's in my home, I say, "You have to leave. I can't have that. That is poison, and I know it is poison, and you're smearing it on me. I will not have it." Now, it's not an easy thing. And one doesn't all of a sudden sort of blossom into somebody who's courageous enough to say that. But you do start little by little. And you sit in a room, and somebody says -- if you're all white, and somebody says, "Well, the niggers -- " You may not have the courage right then, but you say, "Whooh! My goodness! It's already eight o'clock. I have to go," and leave. Little by little, you develop courage. You sit in a room, and somebody says, "Well, you know what the Japs did then, and what they're doing now." Say, "Mm-hmm! I have to go. My goodness! It's already six o'clock." Leave. Continue to build the courage. Sooner or later, you'll be able to say out loud, "Just a minute. I defend that person. I will not have gay bashing, lesbian bashing. Not in my company. I will not do it."

•••••